The Adventures of Tommy Dumbass

Here in writer's land we had a little fracas. On one of our Yahoo writer's groups a malcontent arose and spewed his malcontentment upon the whole group. So we wrote him a story. Unfortunately, he left the group before he achieved the pleasure of reading his story. So his loss is your gain.

And, yes, our Sunday School Teacher Chris would scold us for excessive use of the word "ass". We're sorry, Chris. Really.

The Adventures of Tommy Dumbass

Tommy Dumbass walked up to the door of the strange, yet wonderful
building. Lips moving, he read the sign:

Writer's Place. All welcome! Come in and share your writing. Valuable
feedback offered. Some of our writers actually have professional
sales to their credit!

"Sounds good," Tommy said, passing through the door. "My story about
Super-Simian will fit right in."

Inside the bright, spacious building, Tommy quickly identified the
place where stories were posted. With great pride, he added his story
to the bulletin board where the stories were kept.

"Now, I'm somebody," Tommy said, stepping back and admiring how fine
his manuscript looked on the bulletin board. The crayon illustration
of Super-Simian was particularly striking.

Another writer, busy on his own projects, came to the bulletin board.
The writer read through Tommy's story with a thoughtful look on his
face. "I am busy," the writer said, "but I think I'll take a few
minutes of my valuable time and help Tommy improve his story."

A couple of hours later, the writer posted a well-crafted and
insightful critique of Tommy's story to the bulletin board. The
writer had drawn on his knowledge and experience to identify areas of
improvement to Tommy's story.

Tommy, over in the corner reading a comic book, spotted the
notes. "Hey, what the hell are you doing?" Tommy shouted.

"I've made a few constructive comments on your story," the writer
said.

"You have your damned nerve!"

The writer looked at Tommy with a slightly confused smile. "But, this
bulletin board is for input on stories. That's why its here."

"I didn't ask you to write that stuff about my story!"

"Just by coming here, into this building, and by posting the story on
the bulletin board means you wanted input."

"I'm a bad-ass soldier!" Tommy shouted the words, his face turning
red. "And I'll kick your ass!"

A second writer noticed the fray. "You shouldn't have come into this
building, and posted your story, if you didn't want feedback."

"You shut up, I'll kick your ass too!" Tommy screamed.

"I actually did you a service," the first writer explained. "A good
critique can cost a lot of money."

"Everyone leave me alone!" Tommy screamed. "Do not speak to me, do
not look at me, and do not critique my story!"

"Then you should leave," the second writer said. "This isn't the
place for you. Go find another place, where you'll be more
comfortable."

"I said don't talk to me! No one may speak, period!"

Sighing, the two writers turned away, wiping Tommy's spittle from
their faces.

The building manager finally was forced to open the anti-dumbass
vault and get out the anti-dumbass monkey. The anti-dumbass monkey
hit Tommy over the head with an anti-dumbass monkey wrench. When
Tommy woke up, he found himself on the street.

"Let this be a lesson to you, Tommy," the anti-dumbass monkey said,
shaking a finger in Tommy's face. "You can write about a monkey, but
you can't monkey with writing."

1… 2… 3…

(All together now!)

GROAN!